How to Make Friends as An Adult and Why You Should

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Feeling like you just need a good brunch with your girlfriends, but can’t find the time, or the BFF’s to hang with? It takes a real effort to cultivate friendships in adulthood. Read on for tips on how to make new friends even in the midst or parenthood and adulting.

The Importance of Friendship

My friends have literally planned a pregnancy, encouraged me to start a minimalism blog, motivated me to write a book, told me to seek childcare when I was overwhelmed, or simply brought me lunch when I was starving and pregnant… I’m lucky to have just enough wonderful girlfriends that I can rely on when life gets tough.

Research has also shown that cultivating friendship will actually make you happier, so don’t cancel that brunch with your girlfriends this weekend! According to The Blue Zones of Happiness “Having a strong social network and family support system are the two more important traits of the world’s happiest people” ( Buettner 172). Your friends also influence you in powerful ways. Author Dan Buettner explains further “ If your goal is greater happiness, about the most important thing you can do is curate social network of healthy happy friends who care about you” (172). Enough of the “Mean Girl” stigma, choose friends who support you no matter what.

I’m lucky in that my friendships are with good people who are daring, kind, smart and supportive. One way I check to see if the people I’m hanging out with are good for me is by asking myself how I feel after visiting them. I have such a strong feeling of love and support after hanging with close good friends. If I feel like the energy has been sucked out of me, it’s a good sign that I’m not aligned with the people I was just with.

The Impact of Great Friendship

These feats include:

We’ll never really know the impact of great friendships, but in the book Girl Squads written by Sam Maggs there are summaries of 20 different girl squads who have conquered amazing feats throughout history when they came together.

• Indigenous twin sisters who skied their way to the Olympics
• Finnish leftist female fighters who took on inequality
• Black women mathematicians who put a man on the moon
• Women scientists of Antarctica who explored the ends of the earth

Not to mention some of the world’s famous BFF’s like Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, Gayle and Oprah, and tennis superstar sisters Venus and Serena Williams. What if these friendships never blossomed? Would these ladies have been fully supported to reach their goals? Speaking from experience, I never would have done a lot things if I didn’t have a slight nudge from a close friend.

The Challenge of Making Friends

Making adult friends is challenging because you’re not in a position to find peers, unless you work with peers. In my first year teaching, my soon to be great friend Anne was on maternity leave. I mostly kept to myself at school anyways because I was barely surviving and I was still a kid at age 23. Most of the other teachers I felt wouldn’t be able to relate to my circumstances.

In the book MWF seeking BFF author Rachel Bertsche writes about how finding quality girlfriends can be challenging as an adult and especially if you have recently moved. She got so desperate she literally put an advertisement In the newspaper and “dated” probable BFF’s to find a few local friends she could hang out with. It ended up being successful, and she scored a book deal from the experiment.

It’s even more challenging finding friends as a mom, because you can feel isolated. As a new mom I remember getting into a slight panic if I had to be anywhere on time. I had a list on my fridge with all the needed items that I would reference before running out the door, probably already late.

Motherhood was so new to me that I didn’t feel like going out most of the time, even though I desperately needed to. Not to mention the challenge of feeding your baby via breastmilk or formula at the correct time. It doesn’t leave much room for connecting with another person. However difficult, it was important for me to get out of the house and interact with adults. Luckily for me, I had a close friend, Anne, to remind me of this.

3 Ways to Make and Maintain Adult Friends

Most of my adult life I’ve had to make new friends as I moved to a different part of the country. I’m actually a bit introverted, so making friends isn’t necessarily a skill I feel comfortable navigating, but I managed to have just enough quality friends. Here are few ways I’ve made and maintained friendships as an adult and new mom.

1. Steal other People’s Friends

Not in a “mean girl” way, but make friends through other people. I stole quite a few friends from mutual friends. When I moved out to the PNW I didn’t have any friends, so I literally stole other people’s friends who I would meet at family gatherings, or events with my husband. It’s the easiest way to make a friend!

2. Make Time

My first year teaching, I didn’t have any time to make friends even if I was in need of friends. You can’t really hang out with people if you don’t have time. As a new mom, you’ll need to prioritize getting out of the house as well.

I meet with two mom friends for lunch every month, and every week approaching the meet-up I feel the need to cancel. Not because I want to, no because I feel like I don’t have time. It took me awhile to realize I wasn’t prioritizing my own friendships, and as a result my own happiness. I always leave those lunches laughing, supported, and rejuvenated. It’s worth it, so I make time for it. We always schedule the next meet up next month before we leave the table.

3. Put Yourself Out There

If you’re a new mom, or pregnant, or wrangling a toddler around, hit up some activities where other moms or moms-to-be will be. I’ve found mom friends at the library story times, at parks, book clubs, and community organizations! If you’re not in a book club, make one! Strike up conversations with moms sitting by you, ask about their lives, ask for their social security number. Just kidding, don’t do that.

I recently met a new mom friend at the library. She was kind and funny, and we briefly chatted about books we just read. We realized we had a lot in common and so I said “I should get your number.” We swapped numbers. It’s really that simple. I went home and told my husband that I made a friend. 🙂

Final Thoughts

Emotional support through life is essential. We thrive in close knit communities. As I continue to cut out and simplify my life on my minimalism journey, making time for great friends has risen as a high priority. As stated earlier, it positively affects my own happiness, inspires me, and provides guidance navigating the early years of motherhood and career. Wishing you all a brunch with your best girlfriends this weekend!

Join the Discussion

When have you struggled to make friends? How do you prioritize friendships in adulthood?

P.S. I always ask readers to follow me on Instagram, Pinterest and Facebook. I consciously try to document my everyday simple life. Since we happen to be on a debt free journey it can be motivating because most of my activities are intentionally inexpensive. However, if you’re trying to cut out social media, you’ll need to subscribe directly to this blog.

Author

-Maria Halcumb
B.A. in Secondary Education, English, and Physical Education
M.A. Ed. in Curriculum & Instruction and Reading Specialist

Sources

Bertsche, Rachel. MWF Seeking BFF: My Yearlong Search for a New Best Friend. Ballantine Trade Paperbacks, 2012.

Buettner, Dan. BLUE ZONES OF HAPPINESS: Lessons from the Worlds Happiest People. NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC SOC, 2017.

Maggs, Sam, and Jenn Woodall. Girl Squads: 20 Female Friendships That Changed History. Quirk Books, 2018.