Why and How You Should Simplify Your Kids’ Summer

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Why You Should Simplify Your Kids’ Summer

I’ve written about the benefits of letting your children become bored, and what better time than during the summer. Days are longer, school is out, and time left to one’s imagination. However, letting children become bored is often forgotten with all the summer activities we schedule: pool time, tutoring, soccer practice, day camps, and play dates.

I read a post by Simple as That  forcing you to think that the summers you spend with your children are fleeting. There are only 18! If your child is ten, you’re already halfway done. It does strike a sense of urgency, but to me not in a sense of “busyness,” but rather in making these summers slow, like the days are supposed to teach us.

Teach Your Child to “Just Be” instead of “Be Busy” this Summer

Dr. Shefali Tsabary writes in her book The Conscious Parent “As adults we are preoccupied with constant activity…The foundation of our self-esteem rests on the amount we do, how much we earn, how good we look, and how socially connected we are” (141). This has held true for me, although currently a little more aware of my tendencies. One specific tendency I have is to fill up my schedule so full I have no time to myself. Constantly rushing from one event to another.

Obviously, I’m not alone. We tie our self-worth to our paychecks too. I noticed this precisely at the moment I became a mom. Instead of basking in the glory of the human I had created, I instead felt stripped of my career identification and as a result less worthy since I wasn’t physically earning a pay check? How backwards is that? Don’t worry, I made up for it by being extremely “busy” as a new mom, continuing on my fast track to burnout even during my maternity leave.

Simplify Your Summer to Avoid Being Busy

This example isn’t the best we parents can do for our children. The act of constantly being busy, is actually a form of anxiety, and anxiety is actually a passive state (Tsabary 145). It keeps us from taking action to solve a problem. The analogy a friend told me is that anxiety is like rocking in a rocking chair. You never get up, or solve the problem. Instead, you just continually rock back and forth, never moving in either direction.

As a result, our kids “believing that more is better, [and] bigger is brighter” fill their life up with busy deadlines, activities, and material possessions (Tsabary 148). They learn that “drama trumps simplicity, [and] excitement beats out stillness (Tsabary 148). Furthermore, “they grow up addicted to a life of highs and lows, unable to rest in the ordinary, and with little perspective on how to glean enjoyment from the mundane” (Tsabary 148). What is the mundane? The simple and beautiful things in life like a sunset, the touch of a hand, giggles, spills, and the trial and repetitive error of learning.

What can we do?

5 Ways You Should Simplify Your Kids’ Summer

Reduce Screen Time

Screen time is a constant stream of entertainment, jingles, action, and intense emotional jargon. Dr. Tsabary suggest that screen time can be utilized, but not as a solution to solve boredom, emotions, or restlessness (163). Try to set some summer routines around screen time that fit your family’s lifestyle. I do utilize screen time early in the morning while I write. This is pretty much the only time the T.V. is on. Even just shutting it off in the background can be beneficial.

If mentioning screen time brings about feelings of guilt, don’t let it. Just try to reduce the amount if you think it is too much for your family. We parents all need a break once in a while, and everyone has different circumstances. Do your best and don’t compare your routine to other families.

Not only is T.V. used ineffectively to treat restlessness for children, it also can be promoting endless products to your young observer. Toys, food products, clothes, etc are advertised during your child’s favorite show. This is one of the reasons we watch a lot of Daniel Tiger, or PBS. There are no commercials on this channel, or at least very few and no advertisements for toys.

Value Experiences over Purchases

If you promote experiences over purchases, you will simultaneously spend more time with your children. Children don’t need any more purchases, but what they do need is your time and attention. “If from a young age, our children are taught to value the relationship with them over the things we buy them we set the stage for reliance on their inner being rather than externals” (Tsabary 163). Experiences don’t have to be expensive. It can simply be a walk to the park, a swim in a lake, eating dinner together, or grabbing an ice cream cone on a hot summer day. In fact, experiences can be less expensive than purchasing the newest video game, movie, or gadget for your child.

By contrast, this doesn’t mean filling up your summers full of activities because you value it more than purchases. It’s okay to value your time by sticking to a nap schedule that leaves the children rested and not overstimulated. This July 4th our whole family retreated after getting candy at a hot parade to our home to nap and rest. There’s nothing wrong with scheduling time for rest, especially during the summer. We don’t have to be rushing to each new activity non stop.

Avoid Impulse Buying in Front of Children

Actually, encouraging kids to live a simple life is better for building emotional resilience too (Tsabary 164). If you’re in the store, and being asked repetitively to buy something by your enraged toddler and you give in every time, he or she learns to be impulsive themselves. Showing self-control, restraint, and even poise in emotional situations will teach children to sit with their emotions and make decisions less on impulse and more on logic. Summer is a perfect time to go back to the basics of entertainment: a sprinkler, the local pool, a lake, the stars, a camp fire, or a sunset.

Allow Children to be Bored

We don’t have to constantly be rescuing our kids from discomfort. Boredom is kind of expected in summer. The days are longer, school is out, and there is no one rushing you from one activity to the next. Boredom is something children will have to deal with, and it’s better to allow them boredom than constantly entertaining them with activities. Instead of solving their boredom, suggest alternatives and foster their own creative independence (Tsabary 165).

Allow Choices (But not too Many)

Giving children choices can allow for self-expression, and individuality (Tsabary 165). As a teacher, this was true as well. When a student could choose from a group of choices, vs. being assigned an assignment, much more enthusiasm was given when there was a little bit of freedom. You can also use choices to learn more about your child’s interests.

Obviously, your toddler shouldn’t be choosing what you’re eating every night, or what to buy, but providing choices is easier than you think. It can be as simple as asking your child to choose one more activity to complete before bed, which chore they would like to complete, which park to visit, or what vegetable to eat.  Choice allows them to take charge of their own personal wants, and listening to their choices shows respect for their individuality. Thus, building their own self esteem and trust in themselves.

Final Words

Let’s be honest, we parents are tired, especially in the summer. It’s okay to have a family movie night, let your child watch an extra show so you can “have a moment” or by them a special treat at the store. Just be conscious to show your child that being busy just to be busy isn’t necessary. Boredom can actually become the base of creativity, and time spent together should be of the highest value.

Take this as a reminder to pause before signing up for all swim lessons, soccer practices, camping every weekend, and play dates. Take this as a reminder that a nap and quite time in the middle of the afternoon this summer, might be exactly what your family needs, and don’t forget that the most important values are often found in the mundane family activities: walking to the park, setting the table, or quiet whispers before bed. Wishing you and your family a slow and simple summer this year.

Join the Discussion

What is one summer activity you cut out this year to consciously slow down?

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Author

-Maria Halcumb
B.A. in Secondary Education, English, and Physical Education
M.A. Ed. in Curriculum & Instruction and Reading Specialist

Source

Tsabary, Shefali. The Conscious Parent. Namaste Publishing, 2010.